On the eve of my birthday, I find myself reflecting on the past. Not so much the past 24 years of my life, but more like the past year. It has been adventure, that is for sure!
This time last year, as I was preparing for my birthday, I was also in the deep finalization plans to open a emergency shelter. After turning 24, and moving on into that year - the shelter opened and we welcomed in men, women and children to a place to provide them shelter away from outside elements and be a place that they could call home while working to be able to live a sustainable life. Throughout the year, the complications of operating a homeless shelter was just a drop in the bucket to the normal things of life. I often found myself wanting to escape to somewhere warm, but always wanting to make sure that my residents had someone caring for them. I became very comfortable with spending hours on end there, when volunteers were unable to make it especially during the snowy days. I was blessed to meet many wonderful volunteers and people that had the same joy I had serving people that just needed someone to talk to and be their advocate. Public speaking is something that doesn't come easy to many, but I just love it. It is something that I am totally okay with and love to do. The ministry that the emergency shelter operates under is a blessing to this community, and I wanted to give my all! Because it was the ministry and the people that worked there that helped me find my calling in serving the less fortunate. Looking back on the months that I was Shelter Coordinator of the Emergency Shelter, I am beyond blessed for those moments and cannot explain to you the amount of knowledge that I had the opportunity of gaining. (Hang on with me through this reflection, there is goodness at the end...I promise).
But the year was filled with more than just the emergency shelter, I enjoyed watching LR football games knowing it was the last season on the 'ole grass. We got kayak's this past year, we took them out to test them out and the next weekend we had snow on the ground. The weather in North Carolina is as unpredictable as which way a bird is going to fly in the sky. We've been without a pastor at church and walking the path to discover who Christ has already chosen for us that we must wait for. There's been beach trips, Biltmore trips, trips to the mountain and more! I took a visit in April for an weekend off from the shelter to visit a friend and her husband in Watertown NY. I haven't done much traveling alone, and while the adventure there of spending 11 hours in Philly airport definitely should be avoided, I enjoyed taking a step and trying something new.
I cannot begin to remember everything that I did in this past year, because for one things run together in my head and I can't remember if that was this past year or further back. But on this adventure of life during the past year, before I turn 25 and am a quarter of a century old, I would like to reflect to something that totally took me by surprise and rocked me off my rocking horse. I do not share the following information in despise of anyone, but rather to share how proud I am of myself to get where I am on the eve before turning a quarter of a century old.
While I had the joy of opening a new shelter and being the Shelter Coordinator of a new Emergency Shelter, I also had the sadness of no longer being a Shelter Coordinator and not making that decision myself. Having your heart broken by someone you love is one thing, and while I can't truly say I have felt that before -- but the brokenness that I felt after learning that I would no longer a the Shelter Coordinator for a place that deeply has my heart! Yes there were times of struggle and confusion, but the people at the Emergency Shelter are outstanding people. They taught me lessons of survival in the world, how to make coffee, ways to fold a fitted sheet, how to get lotion out of a bottle without making it watery.... I could fill a whole blog with the things I learned from them. They taught me to be sneaky in knowing what was going on, to listen to everything and never take anyone for granted. They taught me that being a friend is what everyone wants. They taught me what it feels like to be completely frustrated with someone when I was trying to provide resources to get help and they refused. But ultimately, they taught me that power of listening, truly listening, not trying to fix the problem, but using my ears only to listen. My heart was broken. My heart was broken because something I loved was yanked away from me with no concrete reason why. My heart was broken because lies were told. My heart was broken because people that I loved, residents, volunteers and community connections, did not receive an appropriate farewell from me. Instead someone else wrote words and my name. My heart was broken.
While I walked through the pains of having my heart broken, each day things happened that helped me get back up and keep walking the path of life. Having our hearts broken with no closure is something very hard to move on from. But I am blessed that there are community connections and friends that have allowed me to take an extra day to move on and now I am getting back in the groove. I do miss working in my calling and I pray that during this next year of my life, I will get to do that.
As I finish, sorry for some of the rambling, but on this eve of my 25th birthday, I find myself reflecting a lot on what has happened in this past year. And I find it powerful to be able to share with others about the adventure of life. A lot of my year was filled with something that I outpouring love for, but something I have had to move on past.
P.S. Timehop is a wonderful thing, but not things in the past bring up heartbroken memories.
Dear Heavenly Father, with your outpouring love it makes it possible for us to have broken hearts and you to heal them. I am beyond blessed for the friends and family that you brought closer to me during the struggles of my past year (new ones too). I pray that you continue to guide me on the path that you have set for me, I want to continue to walk that path. Thank you for guiding me. In Jesus holy name, Amen.
