Something New For Me

Each change a season brings new things.  The seasons have changed and I decided that I would welcome something new into my life.  But more than welcoming something new into my life, I have had the chance to reflect about myself over the last couple of days!  And with all changes, seasons too, reflect is a healthy thing.   On the eve of the autumn equinox, marking the end of summer and the first day of fall (in the Northern Hemisphere), I decided to become a Mary Kay consultant.  

For about a year now, I have been setting along the edge of the fence debating if Mary Kay was the right thing for me to do, would it fit in to my life like everyone says it will?  I am an already super busy person that barely finds time to make my bed or put away my clothes, so why in the world should I even be thinking about joining Mary Kay.  As time as gone on, something more true about me as shined through - I don't jump into things, I mull them over.  And in this case its been about a year.  But we all have things about us that make us who we are, and for that I am truly grateful.  I tend to think about the whole picture, think about how doing something will change or alter my life, how it would impact others, how I would respond to it as time goes on, and so much more.  But for something as rewarding as Mary Kay, I am thankful that I mulled over it for so long. 

During a phone interview with my Mary Kay unit director, and recruiter (I am going to have to make sure I know all those titles and descriptions), we talked about what I was thankful in my life and what qualities that I value in my life.  And while I don't totally know what I said (because I truly believe the holy spirit had hold of me), what I do know is that my family is number one!  Not just mom and dad, but the concept that being part of something larger than me that enjoys spending time together, its incredible.  And I am extra blessed that my boyfriends family is the same.  We attend family reunions, large holiday gatherings, and so much together with our families.  

Mary Kay consultants have told me, Mary Kay just fits into you life.  And while I still don't totally grasp that I can see where it will.  There is only one reason that I am able to do anything in this would, and that is because of my Absolute #1, God and my faith. Without the guidance that he provides and my determination to listen to what he wants me to do and where he is leading me, nothing that I have done would have been possible. 

Also during that phone interview, I was asked what 3 words describe me.. and again, I don't recall everything I said, but as I reflect now, these would be what I choose.  

Compassionate - I have compassion to care for others.  I have compassion to see the joy in those that I impact.  I have compassion for the homeless, those with out shelter, those living in situations that they cannot control, the invisible elders, and serving others.  I have compassion for teaching children dance, showing them that they can do anything.  I have compassion for helping someone see joy in their lives or whatever they are learning or doing.  I have compassion for being a servant of Christ. 

Change - If you know me on the social media world, you have probably seen the #bethechange or #anyonecanmakeachange.  This would is full of things that need to be changed, and I truly believe that we all can make a change.  But along those lines, I believe that I handle change well.  I am open to seeing what opportunities are going to come from that change.  Most people don't like change, don't want change because they way they are doing it is working out great.  But I see change as being the opportunity for us to make a difference in the world and for something new to happen. 

Control - Now most people would say that being controlling is a bad thing, and I agree.  But I describe myself as being controlled.  Being someone that does that best to make it appear to others that I am handling life well and it is controlled.  I do however, enjoy being a leader.  Being in control of our lives is what makes us be able to do more.  Someone once said to me, you need to limit adding things to you life, you are going to over do it and burn out on life.  And while I have learned how to limit some things, I strive off of being busy and stay in control of my life. 

This is a new season for me, I am excited (a tad with butterfiles) about becoming a Mary Kay consultant.  I am not totally sure how I see everything happening, and like I said above, I mull things over.  But I am thankful that I climbed the fence, sat awhile along the way, and finally signed my agreement.  We have no idea where life is taking us.  I prayed about this, as I do with everything I mull over.  For some reason, the start of a new season, is when I was told to add this to my life. Don't let life get in the way of living the life you are in control of, make the best of it!  God gave his life for us, so that we could live ours.  I look forward to having Mary Kay part of my life, and seeing where it takes me to be a servant of Christ. 

Dear God, Your guidance is needed daily.  Keep reminding me to talk to you.  You are the reason I have opportunities, and for that I am truly grateful.  Please watch over my dear friends as they move back home this week.  And thank you for continuing to walk with me as I work on losing my life to find the one you have picked for me. In Jesus holy name, Amen. 

Jumping Hurdles in Life

One of the biggest blessings of life, that I often find myself forgetting or being thankful for, is the ability to reflect on life.  Reflect on what God has provided for us. Reflect on the struggles that have impacted us.  Reflect on hurdles we have overcame and hurdles that may still be in our way.  We are able to reflect on the blessings of life, and for that I am grateful.  Today, I truly believe I have finally crossed a hurdle and pushed it aside. 

On July 10, 2015 I was for sure my life had ended.  Not in the standpoints of life and death.  But ended in the since, that all I had worked for, all that I had pushed and believed it, it had been no good.  Everything had been wasted and lost.  For 6 months prior, I had been operating as Shelter Coordinator.  This is not a position, that I walked into having all procedures set in stone.  This is a position, that I had worked tireless hours over developing policy and procedures, volunteer and training materials, designing a layout for a check in routine and developed an intake process for.  This position was a huge on taking, but I felt that God had put me there and I was going to conquer.  This position had developed on remolding an old building in downtown Lenoir to become Lenoir's first Emergency Shelter for men, women and children.  This position had developed on working with construction crews to hang sheet rock, determine doorways and locations of toilets.  This position had been developing on making presentations to churches, service groups and others about the mission of this shelter and what it was to become.  This position had been developing on being interviewed by newspaper and students for papers.  This position, had not come easy, but it was my baby and I did everything for it.  We opened the doors of this shelter on one of the coldest nights that January in 2015.  No one came to stay, but I was so thankful that we were able to open that night in the event that someone did need a warm place to stay.  But in no time, the shelter became full, I was over capacity, but the temps were low and people needed a place to go.  I worked tireless hours training volunteers, doing intakes for residents coming in, doing laundry, making sure their was food in the kitchen, case management for all my residents, and most of all being the light of Christ.

 Each day my feet were exhausted and my body was weary, but God lead me. He lead me though an average of 2 presentations a week.  He lead me though failed drug tests of clients and rules being broken.  He lead me though volunteer vacancies and random locker searches. He lead me though snow days and resident panic attacks. He lead me. There's not a day that I would have wanted anything more than being in that shelter.  Winter was hard, but God lead me. We celebrated 100 days of being open with an ice cream party.  In just my 6 months of being there, I had over 60 residents. Some came and went, and some stayed awhile.   The days went by and I wish I could remember all the experiences I had.  I wish I had journaled more, not about the residents, but about the moments.  

But on July 10, 2015 - what happened that day - I did not see coming.  Days leading up to it, I had experienced struggles.  Struggles harder that I can imagine.  But what happened that morning at 9:00 something, was more devastating than I ever thought could happen.  I was told that I would no longer be the shelter coordinator and I was not allowed to tell residents or volunteers goodbye.  That day, my heart was broken in more ways than 1, in ways that I still cannot put in words.  It was more than learning I would no longer be the Shelter Coordinator, it was more than being told I couldn't say Goodbye, it was how it was handled.  And that is when the biggest hurdle I have ever seen, was placed in my life.  No hurdles had been that big to me before.  I loved that place and those residents like they were my family, because they were.  I had spent Valentines Day with them, July 4th, most weeks 7 days solid, I was there when breakfast was served and when supper was ready, some nights I even slept there.  I was there when relationships were broken, for panic attacks, for celebrations, for everything.  We were a family.  And with every family there are thorns, and we had them, and while I was the leader as Shelter Coordinator, we still tackled them all together. 

I can still remember that day, every detail of how it went down.  I still remember that weekend following and how the news of how I had been asked to leave was twisted.  I still remember the shock of reading a letter sent to volunteers, signed with my name, that I had not written nor signed.  I still remember how it felt to pack my office and not get to say goodbye to my family. I still feel the pain of feeling that my life was over.  And everything that I had done was worthless.  

Days went by.  I could not drive by without feeling the pain.  Months went by, and I still detoured to avoid passing.  A year went by before I could feel okay to step foot back in the place.  The floors and wall, the place had done nothing to me, but the leadership and management had caused me more pain than I can describe.  

Now two years later, and I still have that pain.  I plan very carefully, when I visit.  I donate specific items that I know they need.  But even two years later, I feel very stabbed by the hurdle that was placed there.  And while I still do not feel like I can fully serve there, I do feel that I have crossed that hurdle. Some of the biggest blessings of life have come from that experience.  And I am beyond grateful for everything that it did for me.  I pray about it daily.  I drive by with a smile, knowing it was because of how God lead me that the place is standing and operating to serve men, women and children that find themselves without a sustainable place to live. 

God has lead me to step out of my comfort zone and join a new church.  I've been attending for 6 months now, but am slowly getting connected. Nothing was wrong with my growing up congregation, but when God leads you, I knew I had best follow.  God has lead me to reconnect with some volunteers that I never got to say goodbye to.  God has lead me to reconnect with some residents that I had.  God has lead me to speaking with others about my time there.  God is leading me in a direction that I do not know, nor want to know, because I want to grab every opportunity and thing along the journey. 

I do not share this story, looking for pity.  I share this story, because God is telling me to.  I share this story, because everyone has hurdles in their life, big or small, they are there.  And by giving your life to God and letting him lead you, the time will come when the hurdle can be jumped and pushed to the side.  

Dear Heavenly Father, you have been with me for my whole life, and I am so grateful that you chose me to be your Child.  Without you guidance I would be lost.  Thank you for not leaving me when I stray and for not dropping me off your list when I struggle to speak with you.  I have had some rough days in the past months, and thank you for showing me that I must walk the journey.  I pray that you will continue to remind me that when my day is bad, I need to find you, and talk with you, instead of getting stuck in my rut.  Heavenly Father, because of you I am able to share my story for others in hope that they look to giving their lives to you.  In Jesus holy name, Amen. 

The Meaning of April Fools' Day....

Different than You Expect

What do you think of on April 1st?  For many people, it's April Fools' Day.  This day is observed throughout the Western world.  Practices include sending someone on a "fool's errand," looking for things that don't exist; playing pranks; and trying to get people to believe ridiculous things. Are you a April Fool victim?  Personally, I find it impossible to believe anything on April 1st, due to the pranking and hoaxes that take place.  Even some newspapers, magazines, and other media report fake stories, which are then explained the next day or later in the day.  April Fool's is not a public holiday in any other country then our own. 

But April 1, has so much more meaning to that for me. Growing up, I was always eager to hear about how my aunt played April Fools' jokes on her family.  As a birthday girl on the famous day, she was always bound and determined to not only not be a fool, but to fool to extreme levels.  I can only remember a few, but they included having a frozen cereal bowl and putting a "it's a girl" sign in a neighbors yard.  My aunt also did many other outrageous April Fools' jokes. I can remember as a kid, to be completely 'on my game' when speaking or seeing her on April 1st. Family members are special people in our lives and we rejoice with them as they celebrate birthdays.  If you know my family at all, you know that we bring a party and often a crowd to whatever we are doing.  But it is through love that this takes place. 

But 5 years ago, April 1, took on another meaning for me.  A man that entered our family though marriage, became an uncle like no other. He had his crazy ways (like we all do), but his outpouring love as well.  He was the guy that could sit for hours doing a puzzle or watch the same movie 4 times in a row.  He could get us kids wild with only seconds and knew more about fishing then I will ever know.  He made life complete in our family. But April 1, 5 years ago, we lost Uncle Henry.  He went to be with the Lord.  It was a long week of struggle for his wife, my aunt, and other family members.  God was there each moment, guiding my family from the hospital to home each day.  5 years ago, the emotions of death took over my family.  But through love we were able to join together as a family we supporting one another. 

During my growing up days, I was brought up in the Lutheran church.  And in the Lutheran church, there are the 40 days of lent when you give something up to become closer to Christ.  Maundy Thursday commemorates the Last Supper - a Passover meal that Jesus shared with his disciples the night before his death. During the meal, Jesus broke bread and offered his followers wine, saying "This is my body given, up for you, This is my blood give, up for you".  The following Friday, observed as Good Friday is the day Jesus was crucified and died.  It is very somber day on the Christian calendar.   Through the walk of these days, we are reminded that Jesus died for us, yes US. Easter is the most important Christian holiday, no not for the bunnies and goodie baskets, but instead as a celebration of the day Jesus rose from the dead.  Easter symbolizes forgiveness, rebirth, and God's saving power. 

Holy Week 2012 took me on a true journey to Christ.  I often reflect, that I feel my life grew deeper to God through that week.  Uncle Henry died on Palm Sunday.  I can remember exactly where I was when my dad told me, who I was with and the support that my friends surrounded me with.  We were doing the annual hike up Hibriten Mountain.  More than anything I felt empty, but I was reminded that death is part of life, through the lite up cross on top of Hibriten mountain. Throughout that week, we had preparations to take care of.  A funeral took place, in the town my aunt and Henry were living in, but he had requested to be buried at home, Lenoir, NC.  Lenoir was not home for him to us, but it was to him. On the day of the burial, we made our own flowers arrangements, rode together.  We shared memories of Uncle Henry, memories that were special and unique to us.  We joined as family to go to the grave side. Holy week took on a whole new meaning to me that week.  Jesus died for us!  Those 4 words are often spoken, but to fully feel them, wow. 

April 1 is not just a day on the calendar for me and honestly it's not really April Fools' to me.  But instead it is a day that I rejoice in knowing that my aunt was born to come into this world to make a difference.  And she does just that.  Her love for teaching swimming is incredible.  And soon will be a grandmother, and I have confidence that she will teach the babies to own the world with confidence, just as she does.  April 1 is day of birth and death for me.  A day that I rejoice for my aunt's birthday and a day that I remember my uncle Henry.  His life impacted mine in ways people will never understand.  There are movies that I see and instantly think of him.  There are inside stories that my family has of packing and moving my aunt here, that I will always have close to my heart.  His love for me was a blessing.  April 1 is not just a day on the calendar, it is a day to rejoice to the Lord, because he gave his only son to die for us.  God took a sad moment and helped me see the light.  I rejoice in the Lord. 

Dear Heavenly Father, 

April 1 is a sad days in a lives as well as a happy one.  As my family rejoices in celebrating a 50th birthday, help us also to care for those that are remembering the death of a loved one.  Today brings two emotions together that are opposites.  But because of you, we are able to see the blessings of death and the blessings of a birth.  Lord, you know our struggles and our weaknesses, you know our joys and our sorrows, be with us today and always.  Remind us to reach out to you in times of happiness and in times of sadness.  Lord, you are holy!  Thank you for sending your son to die for us.  In Jesus holy name, Amen.